Dread

I am filled with dread. I leave tomorrow to attend my brother Davids memorial, he committed suicided a month ago. I miss him and love him and still have so many thoughts racing through my head. Some are petty, some are not.

For a few months now I just keep telling myself, "Just get through this day", but I say it every day. I will be glad when my feelings of this subside. So many people have said that there will be hard times, but you will get through them. etc. etc. I wish for so many things... Tomorrow will be a better day.

I woke up this morning with a million to do things running through my head. Why is it that at night I can clear my mind but in the morn I wake up with so much running through my head? These are my girls who always keep things on the heads up. I am still longing for those days when I could work on something and actually have all my attention focused on that project. I will miss the craziness when it is gone but will appreciate the peace more than I ever did.

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