Waking Up?

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"--Dr. Seuss I am trying so hard to remember this in my daily existence. Opening up and feeling that flying freedom that I used to feel. I am feeling bogged down and swimming in a sea of chaos. Falling down the rabbit hole just like Alice. Maybe I should stop looking for metaphors to define my life.

The move to colorado springs is coming soon, a new beginning too. A new job, some school and hopefully a new outlook on existence. I currently seem to be letting life live me.

The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart.

Robert Ingersoll

Selling a Home

My grandma always told me that marriage was 70/30 or 80/20. All the time though?

What happens from that 3 year mark to the 10 year mark? At first its always share and share, happy,happy. Now its just-- everything that doesnt have to do with my outside job is youre responsibility. He would never say that but oh actions speak louder than words.

So if youre reading this, thanks for taking out the girls for a few hours every week. And I want to be the 30 part for awhile--months maybe years.

Leaps

When? When do you decide to take that leap? The big leap, the one you do in youre thirties. The "I am going to make the next thirty years better, more adventuresome leap?" How do you do it? I can only dream of it... I cannot fathom how to do it without letting go of the kids and husband and my current life. I dream of colors and shapes wrapping around one another. I cannot figure out how to put myself first without hurting so many others. Please blend, Please come together. Please,oh please let it happen.

Yeah for summer

The last few days have been more productive than I ever thought they would or could be. This is one of the items that I just finished. Isabella loves it and I found the pattern at jcarolinecreative.com.

Adventure

I need some girlfriends who are adventurous and a little crazy. I have so many ideas racing through my head but cannot seem to pull them all together. I want a chair covered in fake animal fabric, bright yellow pillows on my couches, modern lights above my bar. Never mind that my house is done in a strict traditional overtone. These items would never work unless I completely overhauled everything we have. This is where the crazy girlfriends would come in--pushing me to do it even though it would never work. I am yearning for fresh and vibrant. Metal mobiles hanging from the ceiling, no more curtains weighing down the walls and windows. I miss having friends that push and encourage you into youre dream land. They certainly do not live in my suburbia land but I will keep my out for them.

Ranjinis work

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Originally uploaded by ranjini.

She has expressed how I feel inside. What an artist.